Of Life and Lists

December 28, 2015 by Brant Croucher

I love making lists. I have lists all over my office. Books to read. Places to go. Things to do. Things I must do -- or else. Daily, weekly, and yearly goals. I love lists. I may actually love lists more than I like doing the things on the list. But that’s another post entirely.

A friend shared this inspirational picture quote thing (what are these even called?) on a popular social media platform (look, I'm not going to say the name if they aren't going to write the check) and it got me thinking about life and lists. On the surface, it’s certainly a nice sentiment: Do the things you love, spend less time on the trivial. I can get with that. I assume it’s not meant to be taken literally, however. I mean, if we all did what we wanted to do all the time, our streets would be littered with sewage and trash and children’s diapers would weigh several hundred pounds.

But what if it were to be taken literally? How would that look? For me, it looks like this:

Things That Make Me Happy

Pecan Pie
Penguins
Scotch
Videos of people falling down
Enchiladas
Tacos
Tamales (Okay, Mexican food in general)
Carrot cake
BBQ
Pizza (Okay, food in general)
Watching TV with Lainey
Thinking about Ferraris

Things I Do Every Day

Work
Pay Bills
Sit in Traffic
Worry about paying bills while sitting in traffic
Stupid household chores except ironing because the iron broke
Battle with self-doubt while attempting to find purpose and reason for my existence
Unsubscribe from email lists I never signed up for in the first place
Delete social media posts people don’t like or favorite within a reasonable time-frame

Compare The Lists

Initially, I would have to say the first list is better than the second list. Significantly better, actually. In fact, comparing the two lists, there is no comparison at all. Based on the evidence presented, one would have to conclude I am in need of an adjustment.

Adjust Accordingly

Let’s imagine I stopped doing everything in the second list in favor of the first list for one year. How would that look?

TIME JUMP MUSIC VIDEO

Okay, It’s December 28, 2016. I have no money. I have no wife. I’m now 87lbs heavier. I’ve got diabetes and gout. Lainey took the TV and the couch and the doctor took my foot.

Thanks for absolutely nothing, Internet.

On the plus, I've started a new list:

Top 1,000 Pieces of Bad Advice Found on the Internet: Volume One

The Croucher Sports Misery Index -- Week Eight (11/2-11/8)

November 12, 2015 by Brant Croucher

It’s a surlier-than-usual helping of CSMI. Some have called the honesty “refreshing,” while others have referred to it as “refreshingly honest and alarmingly handsome.” Whichever side you find yourself on: you’re welcome.

The Croucher Sports Misery Index -- Week Seven (10/26-11/1)

November 05, 2015 by Brant Croucher

Mixed bag of happiness and sadness, this week. Which is basically life in general, I suppose. People say you can't have sweet without the sour. These are the same people who say money can't buy happiness. These people are liars.

The Croucher Sports Misery Index -- Week Six (10/19-10/25)

October 27, 2015 by Brant Croucher

Are you a professional athlete? Do you sometimes have a difficult time waking up when you’re supposed to wake up? Are you habitually late to important events? Are you super bummed out by the idea of being responsible for yourself and accountable to your employer? Are you intrigued by sales pitches that begin with a series of rhetorical questions? Then I have a product for you.

Introducing Entitled Red Phone Service (ERPS), the ONLY phone wake-up service for indifferent, entitled athletes.

The Croucher Sports Misery Index -- Week Five (10/12-10/18)

October 20, 2015 by Brant Croucher

As you recall, last week I added suggested soundtracks to each segment. (This week’s has a decidedly ‘diva’ flair to it.)

I’ve added yet ANOTHER feature to the weekly CSMI because I’m here for you and making this an enjoyable departure from the doldrums of your daily duties. Whereas sports misery is not limited only to our household, I’ve taken the liberty of adding a few Miserable Shout-outs to the end of each post.

The Croucher Sports Misery Index - Week Four (10/5 - 10/11)

October 13, 2015 by Brant Croucher

Whereas I’m really into music (if you didn’t know this, head over the store and spend every penny you’ve got to help make my life-dreams a reality), I thought it would be nice to add a suggested soundtrack to each segment. It’s just a suggestion, however – you can still do whatever you want.

The Croucher Sports Misery Index - Week Three (9/28-10/4)

October 05, 2015 by Brant Croucher

We’re moving through the stages of sports grief. The first week was denial. "Our teams can’t be this bad, can they?" After that, we simply felt anger – at refs, at kickers, at punters, at coaches, at life. This week, we enter the bargaining stage of grief.

The Croucher Sports Misery Index - Week Two (9/21-9/27)

September 28, 2015 by Brant Croucher

Last week was miserable. The first ever CSMI brought us to our fandom knees, registering 90 points of misery.

Would things improve in week two? Would the clouds part and give way to glorious rays of sports sunshine? Would angels sing our favorite fight songs?

No. The answer is no.

The Croucher Sports Misery Index - Week One (9/14 - 9/20)

September 21, 2015 by Brant Croucher

It is with great displeasure I introduce the Croucher Sports Misery Index (CSMI). The CSMI measures the amount of misery felt at the Croucher household each week based on a weighted average of all the terrible going on in our little slice of sports purgatory.

"Good for a Guitar" Update #1

July 10, 2015 by Brant Croucher

We've made it to the halfway point of the Good for a Guitar summer program, and I thought now would be a perfect time to update you all on what we’ve been doing at the Wesley Community Center.